Plink plink fizz

I'd thought I'd let you know about some headaches I have been getting and no it's not the French.

Although I have a huge liking of all things fishy, lizardy and insecty there is one little critter that gives me huge headaches.

For weeks we kept hearing a loud noise. It sounded almost like a buzz saw. When I first heard it I thought it was the mechanical temporary lifts the painter had erected at the top of our apartment block.
I got around to recording it, but the sound doesn't do it justice. Neither does the volume. Imagine this sound, a little more bass and cranked up to setting 13 on your volume dial.



Just a constant noise. From when you wake up until in the evening. Very litle breaks aswell.

After many random lookings in trees, walls and bushes I finally found out what it was making the noise.
That really, REALLY loud noise comes from this tiny little guy. A cicada.

"Noise noise noise noise"

Look at him! He's smaller then a little leaf. How does something SO small make such a racket?
They have to be native to France. That's the only explanation. Why else would something so small need to make so much noise unless it had to speak over another lound living thing in order to attract mates?

I don't wanna be a pirate

Yesterday I sat down to watch a pirated illegal video but all the way through the guy recording the movie was chomping on sweets. And not just any sweets, sweets in noisy wrappers.

Have these pirates -ripping off the movie industry, not the highsea ones- not got any morales?

Lizard Spot: FAIL!

Lizard Spot sure is a fail.

The last few days I have been spotting quite a few lizards. But I am still far far too slow to photograph them (Cat if you ever get that gecko out from hiding I want some tips on how to trick them)

Although the other day, as I walked home from work, I spotted a cheeky little lizard down the centre hole of a brick. I got a few steps passed before I realised what I had spotted so I sneaked back and readied my phone/camera.

Except he/she was also too fast for me.

I did take a photograph of the said hole in a desperate attempt to see if I might accidentally snap a pic of said lizard, but I don't think it worked out.


All I can see is an empty packet of cigs and some rubbish.

This is what Lizard Spot is starting to become. Desperate Lizard Hunt.

What a shame! And after all my Good Luck in the first few days here. I though it would be a regular thing.

But if you do spot the lizard in the above picture, please point him out.

Although I am spotting other weird creatures. For instance on the way home from a meal or football watching with the missus I spotted a MASSIVE cockerrocha!

He was rather still for me and I got a few good shots. Luckily neither me or him got knocked over by any cars while messing about in the roads.


Look at how big he is! And shiney! And the size of his feely thingies! Crickey.

So Lizard Spot has been a bit of a FAIL lately, not that I'm not spotting them, I'm just not getting to photograph them.
Luckily there are other insects that are a bit more socialiting.

I want it all over

Following on from my previous post about cooking pizza's, although this is more of a 'cooking in general' or 'Kitchen Rant.'

Why is it that some ovens, possible mostly electric, more work needs to be done in research, don't cook at the same temperature through the oven area.

Oven's really aren't that big. Not big enough to have huge differences in temperature. So why is it when I'm cooking anything over medium size, pizzas, aload of chips, lasagne, sasuages, everything, does the oven want to cook one side of the food much faster then the other.

What this means is that to get a good all round cooked tea is a rare feat in this house.
Alot of the times one side might be too uncooked or burnt. Obviously the way around this is to move the food around every few minutes...
...but I'm not a ratation device.

Although we don't have the instructions for the oven (which we could of done when the missus thought she had blew up he oven and stopped it work, when in fact she had just made the timer go off and hadn't reset it) I'm pretty sure it didn't say anything about a human rotisserie being needed!

Pizza pie

I love most Italian foods. When I say most, what I really mean is pizza and pasta.

There is one thing that does annoy me about fresh pizzas from the store and that is that all the time the toppings will be grouped together on the pizza base.
Instead of all being all evenly distributed, some sicko in the pizza making factory decides that all the extra cheese goes on one side and the ham goes on the other.

This of course means that I have to reorganise the whole pizza before sticking it in the oven.

The only thing more annoying then this, is uneven pizza topping distribution on frozen pizzas.
Those toppings aren't moving at all unless defrosted.

I did use to have a way around this. Unfortunately it invovled going to the local Asda store. Which is now not possible.
If you do have an Asda store near you, I highly recommend a 14" thin and crispy, regular crust with chicken, mushrooms pineapple and extra cheese on. Fantastic. I miss those pizzas so much.

Lizard Spot Update

Lizard spot has been pretty quiet of late. That's not to say that I haven't spotted lizards though.

On my way home I spotted quite a large lizard (for a small lizard he was large). He got quite frightened by my clippy cloppy shoes. He probably seen my massive winklepickers and thought
"This isn't how I role. See ya!"
Or something Spanish like. He was too quick for me to photograph though.

Then after walking the missus to work and heading home I seen another lizard, bigger then the first one, running about. He stopped and I thought I had time to photograph him, but he was also too fast.

And yesterday after a day at the beach, heading home, I spotted a tiny tiny lizard in some shrubs were I often see lizards just outside our home. This guy was far too small and disappeared in the shrubs pretty quick before I even had chance to think "CAMERA!"

I have spotted lizard, but they've all been too fast for me. And so lizard spot doesn't lose integrity, from now on I am only including lizards that I have photographical proof off. Although I am not conducting a retrospective review. All unphotographed lizards from previous blogs will stay in the count.

So lizard spot stays at 9, as from previous entry.

Good luck lizards, now I mean business.

Get rich fast and die trying

I have found a new favourite website.

Starnow.

You can find jobs for a variety of different media vacancies, like being Miss England, being a TV extra, a musician or photographer.

Some of my favourite are from the Magazines and Newspapers section. This really is were journalism sells out. I'm not sure if this is a contributing factor to the state of journalism today or a product.
Basically you will be paid for writing stories of various problems you've had or things happen to you.

Some of my favourite ones are;

Did Computer Games Make You Turn To a Life of Crime?
A national newspaper wants your story and will pay hundreds of pounds to the right person.
Write a few lines about how computer games turned you to crime and if it's something we like, we'll call you straight back.

"Yes I was playing Mario Kart when I decided to go joy ride and chuck turtle shells at people in front of me. Although the downside was someone through some squid ink in my eyes and I couldn't see for 30 seconds."

My brush with facebook
Have you missed out on a job opportunity or discovered your partner was having an affair through using facebook?
Have you been sacked because of a silly picture you had on your site?
A woman's glossy weekly magazine wants to hear from you and will pay for your time and trouble.
Please apply now to take part or for more information.

I can imagine everyone, of you female readers, will be able to add 2cents to that.

Playing the same lotto numbers for more than 10 years and never won?
Have you been playing the same lotto numbers for ten years or more each week but are not giving up.
I need your story - I need to speak to you for a series I am doing for a women's magazine
Please include your phone number in reply as it is often not in the profile.
You'll be interviewed on the phone, need to provide a couple of pics as well
Please apply now to take part or for more information.

There is something great about loyalty. But you have to learn when to change.

Weird and wacky weddings
Did you opt for something out of the ordinary when you tied the knot?
A women's magazine is looking for brides who bucked the white wedding trend. So maybe you made your big day fancy dress, your dog was a bridesmaid, or you got married with dolphins?
Whatever your story, if you haven't appeared in a women's magazine before then please apply today....

What are the chances Jordan is thinking "damn it, if I change my name to Jordont will anyone recognise my wedding photos"?
If any story can get printed without a personal quote from the bride saying "people have always said I'm a bit mental hehe" then I will gladly except that journalism is only just hitting it's peak.

Is your name Jesus or do you have a birthday on 25th Dec?
Is your name Jesus first or middle?
Do you have a birthday on Dec 25th?
I would love to hear form you for a UK womens magazine story.
You will be interviewed on phone, need to send pics and possibly take part in photo shoot.
Please include your phone number I reply as I am under deadline
Please no time wasters - only apply if you are prepared to be involved in the article.

I don't even know where to start with this.
How did they get this idea past the editor?
What made them think this would be good?
Have they already cleared some space above the fireplace for their Pulitzer?
What made them think writing "please no time wasters" would deter anyone?
Do they have the internet in Longview Psychiatric Unit?
Will this be there lead story?

Anyway, I highly recommend you check out the site. You might be able to make some extra cash. If your story gets published just remember me ;)

I can't believe it's spreadable.

On a recent Big Shop we picked up a different butter to normal, due to our prefered bread spread not having a smaller tub size.
But not all went too plan.

This other brand boasts that it's Spreadable, which is always a selling point in my eyes. If a butter/margarine can spread on bread within seconds of being taken out of the fridge, WITHOUT leaving holes then thats just perfect. (Something our favoured brand does, without boasting)

This butter , despite having Spreadable on its lid and sides, just tore up my bread when taken out of the fridge due to it being too hard.

No problem we can just leave it on the side.
This though, I feel, makes the Spreadable wording on lid and sides pretty pointless as all butter is Spreadable at room temperature, thats a Fact.
So what they are advertising here is basically the natural properties of putter. If they were in the bottled water business would they stick 'Wet' on the sides of their bottles?

But this specially Spreadable butter turns in to some sort of thick soup when left a room temperature.

A soupy butter

Soup butter is far too runny. It acts like an oil on the bread, rather being one with the bread. It falls off the knife causing a mess. It doesn't have the same 'mouth-feel.'
It's. Just. Not. Butter.

Now I have to think about sandwiches 15 minutes earlier to give myself enough preperation. And it doesn't help that the clocks went forward and hour, now I can't tell if I would like a tasty sandwich or if I had just had one?

What the frek where the butter guys thinking when they decided to make a Spreadable butter that was too hard when in the fridge and too runny when at room temperature? Those fools!

PS Please no one comment on the differences between butter and margarine. I've taken some artistic lisence.

Watching the tide

Or "A million and one ways to count to 21."

Following on from yesterdays posts about getting tired of waiting for The Big Move, I've been finding "lap markers" to use to make the time between now and the move seem closer.

The major ones are the weekends running up to Big Move;

1. Visit my family in Runcorn and say goodbye
2. Have a leaving drinks thing with friends in London
3. Move the fish from tank to a friends pond and also buy some proper sandals and shorts
4. Have a get together with the missus family

+2 days leave for Spain

So really its only three pretty packed weekends. I'll have more info on Runcorn later, once I've renamed and uploaded all the photos.
But still that seems too far. At least for me. I'm that impatient.

So I've thought up other different combinations of counting down the remainder of the three weeks.
First one to think up is just three more weeks to work. Thats it.
But also I have a 4 day week this week, four day next week and then a whole week, so even less actual days in work.
Also on my way to work I keep counting down my Oyster card amount. I have about a months traveling to work amount of credit on my card, so each day I get the bus I can see the number dropping down each day by £1.80
Only three more weekends.
Five Chelsea games. Although this seems quite a high number at first, they play twice a week for the next few weeks.
Three more rubbish collection days and just one more recycling collection day.
Just two more Big Shops for food in the house.
Another version of this is the rest of this week its just "two of [whatever day]", ie "two more Wednesdays." We leave on a Wednesday so I have three more Tuesdays to go.
My favourite count down stat though has to go to the amount of Mondays I have to work.

One.

Just one more Monday to work, thanks to Easter of course. But its good to know that I have just one more Monday morning to come in to work.

Also I've been jumping a head with some stuff, like packing. I've done a test pack to check on weight and if it will all fit.

Mine and the missus parents have said we can send over some clothes with them when they come for a visit a few weeks after we arrive. So I've had to prepare a bag of clothes to send to Runcorn this weekend when I have friends staying over. It's been tricky to to pack clothes that you want to take, but can do without for the next few weeks, but will need for the first few weeks when in Spain. Example, sending all shorts to Runcorn now will mean no shorts for a few weeks when there. So if I expect to wear shorts, sending all my jeans/trousers up now will mean I only have shorts to wear for the next few weeks, and the UK doesn't have short weather at the moment.
I think I was able to make the right sacrifices, it just means that for the next few weeks I'll have a total of about 5 outfits.

In other packing news, I was able to get rid of about a quarter of my clothes to send to the charity shop.

These were mainly jumpers and some shorts and trousers which worringly no longer fit me. I blame the few crates of beer that were bought for me and drunk over the Christmas period.

I was also able to tidy up my sock drawer. If I'm wearing sandals alot, or having my feet in the pool/sea, then there is no need for odd and holey socks.

I have to admit though I was expecting a far higher number of odd socks. I don't know whats happened here? I could of sworn I complained far too many times about odd socks for there to be just FOUR!

In other Spain news, I have found an actual good use for Facebook. Rather then using it to keep up with old friends receive hundreds of requests for Gifts, Pets, Vampires, Scrabble, Bites and Hugs, I've just started using it to find groups/clubs/people in Nerja. And I'm surprised to find quite a few. Infact the few groups there are have quite alot of members, but how many of them live in Nerja full time I don't know? But at least it's a start at trying to find young adults in Nerja to make friends with, especially as this was one of the main problems I thought we would encounter when moving.

I just hope all that abdoning and slagging of Facebook has been forgiven and any new added 'friends' dont try to Zombie/Vampire/Bite/Hug/Best Friend/Throw Food At me.

Controller of the radio

The radio at work has been moved and placed right behind me. The regular whorer controller of the radio will be off for a few days so I have taken it upon myself to be controller of the radio.

I'm sick and tired of Capital Radio as they play the same 8 songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.....
I hate listening to BBC Radio1 of a morning as Chris Moyles is the most annoying person. Ever. Just writing about him makes me want to......"aaarrrghhhhh motherhubardkungfu"

....
....
Sorry about that.
Yeah, so I don't want to keep changing the channel before/after each show.

So I've opted for the nations and OAP's favourite BBC Radio2.
But why do all presenters on Radio2 sound like Terry Wogan? I'm sure he should of gone home after his show but it sounds like he is doing some overtime. I'm sure if Terry did actually do some overtime this would confuse OAP's making them late for everything and jamming up the public transport service - more then normal - during rush hour.
But Radio2 does have great hits like ELO's Showdown and a playlist longer then a Hear'say Greatest Hits album.

I just wished some of the presenters would try and put on a higher/lower pitched voice just so they don't sound like Mr BBC Radio2 Terry Wogan.

Anyway, I'm off to get a sandwich. Hopefully when I return the computers at work will be working and I will have more to do then listen to the amusing ramblings of the lovely Terry "Trousersnake" Wogan.